1. The only way is Essex
John’s E-mail said to me
Ooooh! I thought…..that’s up my street
As I’d seen it on TV.
2. “I’m up for that!” I answered
And preparations I did start
Fake tan, white stilettos and lipstick
Thinking I look a bit of a tart.
3. “Wessex!” said John “not Essex!
We’re going to walk and to camp”
So away went my glamorous outfits
And I packed to look like a tramp.
4. The rest of the group seemed quite normal
And I regretted my nearly “faux pas”
So we set off to tackle the Ridgeway
John said that it wasn’t that far.
5. We chatted and laughed while walking
And talked about this and that
About how we’d arrived at this juncture
And how it helped if you were a bit of a twat.
6. Evenings were spent eating and drinking
Joshing and joking, having some sport
I blushed when it got a bit smutty
I’m from Bolton, so wasn’t that sort.
7. One day we passed the Cerne Abbas Giant
Cut in the hillside, naked and tall
I found it a bit underwhelming
Seen one and you’ve seem them all!
8. But its anatomy gave John inspiration
For the “Dick of the Day” award
To present to some Klutz in the evening
To stop us from all getting bored.
9. So nightly all our misdemeanours
Were discussed with hilarity and fun
As it’s not the sort of accolade
You’d be proud to say you’d won.
10. The final night was upon us
And at dinner as John started to speak
We presented him with a giant appendage
And voted him “Dick of the Week!”
11. He accepted the honour in good spirits
As he gazed at his Dick on a Stick
But his dilemma soon became obvious
As he wondered whether to bite or lick.
12. So finally our Wessex week was over
Great people, great walking and laughter
Thank you for all your fun and friendship
We couldn’t have been any dafter!!
